Post by Chris Kraven on Nov 15, 2010 12:18:14 GMT -4
CHRISTMAS DAY - 1991
[Christmas morning. What a fun morning for every kid, right? You get up, you run downstairs to the living room, where there's a big beautiful tree. Ornaments and flashing Christmas lights all over. Stockings hung on the chimney with care...hope that there are presents scattered everywhere.
Little red-headed Matt Kraven is first down the steps, at awe at the big presents all over. Next is dirty blonde Chris Kraven, trying to keep up with his brother. He sees the presents as well, but is more worried than excited. His hope that he's had all year for an equal amount of presents between him and his brother, now turns into fear. As the boys wait for their mother and father to come into the room - because you shouldn't open your presents without them, Chris's eyes rapidly move all over, from one present to the next, while he's trying to see the names on the gifts. It seems all of them say "To: Matt; From: Santa".
Tears begin to build, but Chris won't let them come out. He continues searching. He isn't ripping through them, or even moving them around. Just sitting Indian-style, searching so desperately for some of the presents that say "To: Chris". Was it so much to ask? Was it too much for the fat man dressed in red, that had flying reindeer, to make it even between the two boys?!
About an hour and a half later, Matt is sitting on the light gray couch, with toys all around him. WWF wrestling figures, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures, a new Nintendo with games such as Super Mario Brothers and Tetris, and much more.
However Chris, is sitting on the floor below Matt. He has a good amount of presents too. But are they comparable? Is it even? Did fat old Santa Clause bring Chris as much as he brought Matt? No! Chris has one WWF figure, Hillbilly Jim, which Chris did not want, he had two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figures, and one of them was the girl, April O'Neil, he received a couple more games for the NES, which technically was Matt's, and some clothes. Clothes! Seriously. Every 6-year olds favorite thing, clothes!
As Matt looked so excited, rapidly looking through his toys again. And opening up his figures, and beginning to play with them, Chris bit his lip, taking a look at the crappy pile of gifts he got.
Their parents, taking pictures of the two boys, the decorations, and themselves standing in front of the tree, Chris had to fight the urge to punch his brother in the face, throw all the presents in the fireplace, and tip over that damn Christmas tree. What a great holiday, isn't it? Santa brings a boat-load of great presents to one kid, while the other kid gets the junk. What a load of crap. A big old load, of crap.]
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2010
[Welcome to one of FFP's house shows. A match ends between two superstars that we don't care about, then "Lapdance" by Nerd hits the speakers. The crowd lets out a mixed reaction, as the little brother of President Matt Kraven, Chris Kraven emerges from behind the black curtains. More boos than cheers, but it doesn't matter. Because Chris is a hell of a lot better than all of these people anyway. Of course they're going to boo. Envy is a horrible thing, and Chris knows this, but these people are obviously envious of Chris. He has faced so much adversity in his life, but has overcome it all, to be that much better than anyone else.
Chris struts down the isle, and slides into the ring. Once inside, he begins looking over the crowd. Fat people, skinny people, a lot of ugly people. Smelly people, dirty people, and overall, people that would love to be Chris Kraven, just for one day.
Chris now puts his hand up to signal for a microphone from the ring announcer. After a second, she walks over, and hands it to him inbetween the bottom and middle rope. Chris turns to the middle of the ring, holds the microphone to his face, and waits about three seconds before he begins to speak.]
Chris Kraven: Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you, everybody's favorite wrestler, and your next FFP United States Champion...CHRIS KRAVEN!
[Another mixed reaction. It's okay. Because he's got something for them next.]
Chris Kraven: You know ladies and gentlemen, I have come here today, and I have seen how you welcome me, and I would like to tell you all, what I really feel about you guys. And I know it'll shock a lot of you, because I know that down deep inside, you guys want to cheer me. I really really really...
[Wait for it...]
Chris Kraven: Can't stand you people.
[Haha! The arena now fills with boos from the crowd. They didn't like that too much did they? And Chris set them up for it right from the very start.]
Chris Kraven: Well, I mean, look at you, and then look at me! Look at you...
[Chris gestures out to the crowd.]
Chris Kraven: And now look at me...
[Chris now gestures to himself. He spins around, showing off his attire. Black dress shoes, black slacks, a maroon long sleeve dress shirt, an expensive silver watch, and a silver necklace hanging from his neck. His hair gelled into a nice mohawk, and the ladies are ready to ravage him.]
Chris Kraven: Now, now, now, I know, you don't like that I'm better than, but I can't help it. I can't help it that I have more talent in my pinky, than all of you have inside your entire bodies. I can't help it that I graduated high school....and college. I can't help it that all of you people battle obesity, and frankly seriously bad body odor, and I don't. I am just better than all of you, and there's nothing you can do about it.
[The crowd continues booing. Chris doesn't mind. He's put up with booing, and bullshit his entire life. He's learned to egg it on. That's when it gets more fun.]
Chris Kraven: Out of all seriousness guys. Thank you for welcoming me into this town. Thank you for opening up this town to FFP. And thank you for paying your hard earned money, to come and see FFP, when you ought to be saving it up to pay for your kids' schooling, so they can make sure to get out of this town, and not end up being welfare frauds like all of you!
[The crowd erupts in even more boos. Chris brings the microphone down, and closes his eyes, like he enjoys hearing the jeers. After about a solid minute, he begins to speak again.]
Chris Kraven: Okay, shut up. Because I need to get backstage. I have a couple of girls waiting for me. You know, it's tiring because such a hunk. Having the girls just begging for you to even talk to them, let alone do anything else. This guy knows what I'm talking about...right man...
[Chris points to an overweight an in the front row. He has dark hair...well, what is left of it. He's got the classic horseshoe bald head, he has a tight white t-shirt on, because he's too big for the size he's wearing, and his hair white gut hangs out from under the shirt. He gives Chris a quick smile, revealing that he's missing one of his front teeth. There is also a pizza stain around his right shoulder. I guess he scarfed that food down so fast, it went everywhere.]
Chris Kraven: Well, I guess not...
[Chris now backs away from that side of the ring, and stands in the middle again.]
Chris Kraven: Okay, so Thursday night, at Adrenaline, I team up with Pierce Deville and Raven Alexandria, to face off against Genocide, Burke, and Laroo Raith. The winning team goes on to wrestle each other in a Three Way Dance the following week at Adrenaline. I can tell you guys this. Although you definitely tune in Thursday...if you guys have cable that is, and know how to control a remote control, I can already tell you that Pierce, Raven, and myself, are going to school the opposing team. And then, the next week, Pierce, Raven, and myself will square off for the U.S. Title, and spoiler alert again, Chris Kraven is going to win it! Because I not only have superior wrestling skill over both of my 'teammates', but because I am obviously better than either one of them.
You see, it's not all about the skill though. I'll admit, I'm great. I'm the greatest professional wrestler that Full Force Pro has ever seen. But I'm not driven just by skill. You see, I have something to prove. Matt Kraven, FFP's almighty President, is obviously my big brother. And although I am better than him, in more ways than one, he got special treatment. You see, I'm more handsome than him, I'm a better athlete than him, I was a better student than him, and I'm sure, I'm better than him at other things... Well my parents always favored him, over me, teachers liked him more, our high school principal liked him more, hell, even Santa Clause liked him more! And why? That fat guy is supposed to spread Christmas joy to all boys and girls. Well I don't think he did a very good job. In fact, I think if I were face to face with him right now, I'd dump him on his fat ass, and make him tap out!
[The crowd boos at the thought of Chris beating up the holiday favorite, Santa Clause. I mean, if he did, who would be at the end of the Macy's Day Parade?!]
Chris Kraven: Listen up losers, you're booing because I'm better. You're booing because YOU KNOW that I am better. You're booing, because you are envious of me! And that is EXACTLY the case with my opponents this week, and who will be my opponents next week.
Chris Kraven is simply superior to all of you. You know this. Genocide, you know this. Laroo, you know this. Burke, Pierce, Raven...you know this too. I will carry my team to victory Thursday night, and then next Thursday, November 24th, the day before Thanksgiving, I'm going to win the FFP United States Championship, and stand in the center of that ring, finally proving that I am better than everyone...even my grimy big brother Matt Kraven...and there is not a damn thing that any of you can do about it!
[Chris now drops the microphone, puts his arms out to his side and brings his head back, as to accept the chorus of boos that he receives next from the crowd. He smiles, and laughs before breaking his stance. Now he steps over to the corner, climbs up to the middle rope, and breaks out his stance again, this time receiving even more boos from the crowd.
After toying with the crowd, Kraven drops down from the middle rope, and climbs out of the ring. He walks up the ramp, trading words with a couple of choice, ugly fans. He stops at the top of the ramp, points out to the crowd, and raises his arms once again. As they boo, he points to his waist, signaling exactly where the United States Title will sit in about two weeks time!]
